This is definitely not what I intended to write about today but I need to vent and get it out there. I’m feeling a bit open and vulnerable so I’ll share. Maybe someone can relate or give some advice but I know who I am and once I get it out there I will feel 100 times better and move on. That’s how I operate. I get down for just a little bit, vent, put it past me and move on. If you read the book, Personality Plus by Florance Littauer, you may recognize that as a Powerful Choleric trait and yes I am predominately choleric with some Popular Sanguine and a little Perfect Melancholy (mainly the weaknesses).
So alright Joey, get on with it. What is this blog about?
I don’t even know what I should title this thing. This blog is about love, heartbreak, confidence, loneliness, strength and commitment but really it is about How To Get Over Your Ex. WHY NOT? It was loneliness that caused me to decide to commit to Power 90. It was the lack of self confidence that I decided to write this letter to myself and say “No More”. Cause honestly, my entire story started with, and one day will end with, a girl.
Now in the beginning, there wasn’t a girl. But it was girls who caused me to get frustrated. (What guy doesn’t have that problem?) I was 225lbs, felt like a slob, was a slob, didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin and when I went out with friends and saw ratty looking guys talking with pretty good looking girls, I got frustrated and annoyed. You can read what I wrote in my letter.
Now that letter was in 2005 and I just turned 25. I’m now 31 and I’ve been 31 for about a month. 6 years (holy crap) have come and gone and I’m still searching. I’ve transformed my body, my confidence is high but I am still searching for that person. I’m dating, I’m looking, I’m definitely not going to settle but I just haven’t found “the one”. Here is some back story on my dating life:
2003 I graduated college and the girl who I loved and was in a 2 and a half year committed relationship with cheated one me. Lets just say because of this I built some pretty high walls and even after I got back into shape with Power 90 and P90X and my confidence was restored, I wasn’t ready to get back into a commitment. After we broke up, I felt like Adam Sandler in the Wedding singer singing “Love Stinks”.
There have been two people in these last 6 years that “could have been the one”. The one after my girlfriend from college was awesome. We had a blast, loved hanging out, we both were into fitness but I couldn’t call her my girlfriend. I wasn’t ready and after 6 months we went our separate ways. I dated on and off but after my college X, I always set my priorities and finding someone was just never in the Top 3. It was always my career, or college, or Beachbody that I used to push people out. I didn’t want to get hurt, I didn’t let people get to close, and I didn’t want to get distracted from my goals in life.
Balance in my life has always been an obstacle. I get so focused on one or two things, other things tend to get pushed aside. I remember I dated this one girl for a few months and I really wanted to make things work, so I blew off Beachbody Trainings and Coach calls to go out with her. I made her a priority but she didn’t make me one. HA! In turn, my business suffered and I said “I won’t do that again. No one will be first over Beachbody.” Until I met her.
It’s been 10 months since I met this girl who I really thought was the one. For me it was attraction at first site. She was a teacher where I student taught and she was beautiful. But I didn’t have the guts to just straight out and ask her out so I found her on Facebook and Friended her (Internet Dating). It was months later, after I requested her to be my friend (does that just sound sad or what?) she messaged me. I wasn’t sure if she was interested in me or Beachbody Coaching. She was interested in me but was asking about Beachbody because she likes fitness. Anyway, We were supposed to go out a couple times but she kept canceling ton me. When we finally did meet for coffee, we hit it off and our very first real date was New Years Eve it was awesome.
The long and short of this story is we hit it off and quickly fell in love. It was amazing. But it happened really fast and really quick. Too quick. We started to date while she was on Winter break (she’s a teacher) and we got to hang out almost every day. That wasn’t our reality and so when school started up again and schedules changed, it was tough for me to handle, I’ll be honest. We made plans, and not to get into too much detail, plans got broken. Our relationship took off like a rocket but ended like the Challenger disaster. She has now moved on and I believe she is in another relationship.
It’s been 10 months and every now and again she will pop into my mind. I didn’t love anyone since my X from college and when I met her I opened it up and tore down the walls I built up over the years. Call me sad, call me pathetic but man, I thought she was the one. And in high school teenager fashion, I would add her, remove her, block her and re-add her on Facebook.
I truly want to find someone. And I know God has her out there for me, we just haven’t connected. I’ve learned how to better balance my life, to make and create time for those who are important but not to let them take me off course to where my long and short term goals suffer. I finally feel I have my priorities set and am making time to connect and go out with people.
My Top 5 Priorities are:
- My Beachbody Coaching Business and Personal Fitness
- Family & Friends
- Meeting someone
So yeah. That’s my story. I know this blog probably wasn’t very well written or didn’t flow. If I submitted this to my High School English Teacher there would probably be red marks all over it but I didn’t write this blog to be grammatically accurate. Nor did I write it for your pitty or sympathy. I wrote it because I need closure that I never got with the girl who I thought was the one for me. You see, when we broke up we did try to make it work a couple times after. In fact, she was supposed to be my special guest on the Beachbody Success Club Cruise in March. When I got home from that we even tried to work it out but there was never any real sense that she wanted to make it work. I didn’t fall into her top 3 or top 5 priorites and that’s ok. So after the last time we “tried” to make it work, we just sort faded without either party saying to the other “this isn’t going to work”. I need closure cause I found myself once again, thinking of her this weekend. I Friended her again (blamed that we aren’t friends cause of an error with Facebook), and I texted her letting her know I was thinking of her. WHAT AM I? STUPID?!?!
So yeah, this blog has zero to do with fitness, or P90x, or Shakeology. It is a personal reflection for me. The man I currently am, the man I want to become and the woman I want to share my life with. I know I will find the person who is right for me. The person who believes that relationships are not 50/50 but 100/0. I know she is out there. If it is meant to be, it will be.